Joe Flacco is NOT Elite and the Ravens Should Sign Colin Kaepernick because Who Fucking Cares

The Ravens suck, Joe Flacco sucks, and our season is over. This may not sound very substantial considering they beat the Dolphins 40-0 just three nights ago, but this is not nearly the same team that won the Super Bowl five years ago. 4-4 is not a bad record at this point in the season by any means. We’ll most likely end up going 7-9, barely missing the playoffs, only to repeat the whole process over again in 2018. Our lack of success right now, in my objective opinion, can 100% be placed on Joe Flacco. Luckily for the Ravens, I have devised a way for them to get rid of Flacco, avoid the cap hit, and escape the eternal limbo of being a fringe playoff team. Listen up, Ozzie*:

*Disclaimer: This article contains little to no actual football analysis. I have never played football in my life, but I got a 3 on my Statistics AP exam, so I’m basically qualified to be the GM of an NFL team.

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Step 1: Addressing the Issue

In 2017, Joe Flacco is not an elite quarterback. Watch him lob a screen pass to Mike Wallace on 3rd and 12 for the 8437th time and you’ll understand. Flacco has only played one season in which he accumulated more than 4,000 passing yards, Our defense carried him to a Superbowl, and he hasn’t been able to bring the Ravens to the playoffs since 2014. Pretty impressive, right? Couple all of that information with the fact that he has one of the worst contracts in the NFL, and you get a player that has stunted the Ravens’ growth for the past five years. Realistically, a 32-year old Joe Flacco is not getting any better. And let’s be honest, the Ravens’ real best weapon on offense right now is the GOAT Justin Tucker. Might as well accept that our best case scenario as a team right now is an early-round playoff exit with him at the helm.

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After watching this dirty hit made by Kiko Alonso a few nights ago, I think it’s safe to say that Flacco joins the old Taylor and Gordon Hayward on the list of celebrities who have died in 2017. Our defense may be one of the best in the league (scoring 20 points yesterday off of turnovers is no joke), but Ryan Mallett is not going to win us any football games. Which leads me to step 2:

Step 2: Signing Colin Kaepernick

I don’t give a shit about Colin Kaepernick, but not in a, “how dare Colin Kaepernick kneel for the national anthem #alllivesmatter” kind of way. It’s absolute horseshit that he hasn’t been signed yet. He’s no Tom Brady, but he is definitely one of the 32 best quarterbacks in the NFL and would be a great replacement for Flacco for at the least the next few weeks.

The Ravens are no strangers to controversy; just look at Ray Rice and Ray Lewis. One of them was a face of the franchise when he beat his fiancee in an elevator, and the latter pled guilty to obstruction of justice in a DOUBLE HOMICIDE. That’s some Aaron Hernandez shit. Regardless, Ray Lewis is still regarded as one of the greatest Ravens of all time. This goes to show that people have no issue forgetting about controversy when it’s convenient, A.K.A. when the perpetrator can really play.

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Obviously, Colin Kaepernick has the potential to be a PR nightmare. However, if he leads the Ravens to the playoffs, he would be regarded as a hero. Considering the fact that half of the team knelt for the week three game against Jacksonville, I am sure that he would be welcomed to the Ravens organization with open arms, by the players at least. You and I both know that whoever the Ravens sign would be signed to eventually replace Flacco, but for the time being, Ozzie can just say that he is on a tryout until Flacco gets healthy.

If he plays well, then we can keep him and let him play for the starting spot. If not, we can cut him after a week or two and everyone will understand. But for the sake of this article, let’s just say he plays well.

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Step 3: Trading Flacco

Joe Flacco’s contract sucks. But why pay him $20 million a year when we can let someone else pay him their entire salary cap? If the Texans can get rid of Brock Osweiler, we can definitely find suitors for a quarterback with a Super Bowl under his belt. Unfortunately, I doubt that the Browns would bite, but another team like that would be perfect. Once we trade Flacco away, we will have all of that cap room to sign some big name free agents. Guys like Alshon Jeffery, LeVeon Bell, and Larry Fitzgerald are all Unrestricted Free Agents in 2018 and could propel the Ravens offense to where it needs to be. We will never be an offense-first type of team, but if we can put a few offensive touchdowns on the board each game, then our defense should put us in a position to win football games.

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Alshon Jeffery (pictured) would figure to be the perfect signing for the Ravens in the 2018 offseason.

So there you have it. It’s not a perfect plan, but I would rather watch the Ravens make an actual attempt at solving their problems than wait until 2020 to try and win football games. Best case scenario, we can be a Super Bowl contender in a few years. Worst case scenario, we gave it a shot. Trust the process, baby.

 

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